Black Mothers and Their Boys (Part I)

     A couple of weeks ago I was watching "Black in America," and a certain statement resounded loudly with me. I believe it was something to this effect: "black mothers tend to teach their girls to be independent and not lower their standards for undeserving men." Let me first say that I totally agree with this logic, but I'm feeling a bit uneasy now because I'm starting to see a similar pattern in my own family. 

    Of course I'm an only child, and thank the good Lord that my mother has raised me to be independent and strong with very high values and standards. She doesn't have a son, so I can't say that I've witnessed a difference in treatment. In recent discussions my mother has shared with me how she would've raised a son if she'd had one. I'm inclined to believe that she would demand of him the things she's demanded of me.

   There is a certain household in my family in which my aunt and uncle are raising two boys, one a recent high school grad and the other a 7th grader. My issue is not with the younger of the two... he's as sweet as pie and tries to please his family at all costs. The reason I blog on this subject is because of the older son. I won't say his name, because he may actually start navigating the web one day to something more that MySpace, and this is not a family drama I want right now. In his heart he knows how I feel about his laziness; he knows that he brings some truth to the stereotypes about young black males... but let's just say he's in denial. Let me tell you a little bit about him:

   At an early age he was told he was smart, and he just ran with this idea. He just finished high school, and he's never bothered to get a job. Instead of looking for work, like so many black boys he took interest in a sport (baseball) which he's rather mediocre in. Once some desperate girls took interest in him, he's interest in doing what's right disappeared. Throughout high school he never did his work, but always demanded that he be passed. He never studied, yet exclaims that high school is beneath him. He couldn't even get in his materials for college on time, but in his mind they'd be lucky to have him.

   Ok, ok enough background. The college semester begins in about two weeks. For the last three months he's laid around the house all day, everyday. He's watched his mother go to work, pay bills, buy he and his brother unnecessary Jordan gear, cook and clean for a house with three males. "I LOVE MY MAMA," is all over his Facebook and MySpace pages. I'm sure he does love her, but why? Is it because she gives him all he wants and doesn't deserve? Is it because she allows him to focus on the things that are important to him: girls, sex, baseball, etc? 

    I love my aunt very much, but I hurt for her. I hurt for any woman that will allow herself to be used and drained emotionally by the men (husband and children) in her life. Again, school is about to start and this boy has yet to save a penny for college. Trust me I know how much UT-Austin costs...

 

   If he'd bothered to get a job over the summer he could've easily saved a few thousand (especially with no bills to his name). Instead he ate, slept and pissed in the daytime, and drove out her unleaded gasoline with his friends in the nighttime. Now my aunt is feeling pressured to make sure he gets a new laptop for school, since his downloading habits has caused the home computer to crash...

TOOOO MUCH... I need a breather (be back in a bit for Part II)